Daisy

It was a good day for the Pizza Stack. Lots of orders spread out almost evenly over the afternoon. Pleasant customers that arrived on time, many of which even tipped,

Daisy was her the zone. She felt like she did in her forties, maybe even her thirties. As a bonus, the convenience store hadn’t been busy, so she’d spent most of that time with her young friend Kat, doing her favorite thing: making food for others.

“I’m still so slow!” Kat said, trying to balance a stack of tipping pizza shells as she dug around in the fridge for ingredients.

“That comes with time. Like any skill, cooking gets easier in two ways: you become a better cook or a faster cook. You can rarely do both at the same time and look at this deluxe you’ve made! Pure perfection!”

Kat smiled at her as she finally found the old brine bucket of feta.

“Thanks,” she said, looking over her work with visible pride. “Yeah, I think they’re looking pretty good. No more Chernobyl specials from this girl!”

She gave a thumbs up and aimed it squarely at her chest as the stack of pizzas fell over.

“Oh, shit!”

Daisy laughed and helped Kat clean up the mess.

“Don’t worry about speed,” Daisy said, shoving the cardboard boxes back into place, “just work on the rhythm of making pizzas—putting them in the oven, cleaning your space, then prepping the cooked ones. How is that large garlic finger doing?”

Kat looked through the little window in the massive oven.

“Bubbling but not browned.”

“Give it another minute, then check again. They go from perfect to burned in a flash,” Daisy said, punctuating her statement by snapping her fingers.

She watched Kat nod and clean her station in anticipation of the garlic fingers coming out. She wasn’t a natural cook, but she was doing well. Sophie had to be so proud of her.

Daisy smiled to herself as she ladled sauce onto another large shell. This would be number ten for the evening. Bradley would have to increase the number of shells he brought in if this became the new norm.

A second, smaller ladle. The pizza would be too dry as is. The sauce fell like thick rain across the pitted surface of the pizza, pattering down like droplets that smacked audibly against the doughy surface.

There was no going back, even if she scraped it all off. That surface would never be clean again.

It’s stained red now.

Still not enough.

Another ladle’s worth fell, this time splattering among the red of it. Thick puddles left bare for the world.

Would it ever be enough? Could it ever be clean?

Metal jingled behind her.

Daisy had to keep working. If she didn’t, she’d have to look.

No one else could see it. They said it was clean now.

It will never be clean again.

Just make another pizza. Keep working away into your eighties.

She would. She had to. If she didn’t…

If you don’t keep moving forward, you’ll have to look back…

Another ladle. She could barely see the crust now.

If you look back, there’s just the road behind you.

Maybe if she just stopped.

She could hear the metal chain behind her, dragging across the bare asphalt.

If she stopped, she could admit it wasn’t behind her. The puddle was right there, under her feet.

“Daisy!”

Kat’s scream pulled Daisy back to reality. She found herself standing at the counter, a pizza in-front of her utterly drowned in sauce. It was spilling over the side of the counter and onto the floor beneath her feet.

She was standing in a puddle of it.

Daisy felt sick. She tried to step back but slipped. She would have fallen if Kat hadn’t grabbed her arm.

“Daisy, are you okay?”

Kat helped her away from the counter.

“I was talking to you, but you didn’t say anything.”

Daisy shook her pale face.

“I’m okay. I just… I just…”

Lucy ran over with a chair from the back.

“Sit down for a second, Daisy,” Lucy said, trying to help her down. “I’ll get you a bottle of water.”

“I’m okay. I just need some air.”

“Please sit down, I’ll get you some water and—”

“No!” Daisy said, in a firm tone she hadn’t used in years. “I just need to get out of here.”

She walked back to the counter for her purse.

“Are you sure? We can cover if you need to…” Kat stammered.

“No,” Daisy said quietly, almost apologetically. “I just need to get out of here for a bit.”

She turned to the door and began walking.

“I’ll be back soon. Cover for me for a half hour or so.”

“Okay, just be careful.” Kat said.

Daisy hurried away. She felt bad for snapping at the girls, but she wasn’t some fragile old thing to be doted on. She wished she could look back, maybe smile at them so they knew, but she couldn’t.

She couldn’t look back, not now.

As she moved to her car, she could hear it.

The chain dragging in the gravel just behind her.